Golden Years ?

[RanchRoper]

Our son has been back home a couple of times, out again now and trying to make it on his own. It's tough out there for young people these days. Pressure from all angles. All we can do is love them and support them as best we can in whatever way we can. Sometimes that's just a hug or a phone call.

[Jenkinsd]

Well I have been reading the posts about problems with children. I going to throw this out let you chew on it. You guys are very fortunate to have your children and their problems. My wife and I have lost a son and possibly another if he does not quite his lifestyle. I read these posts and I say to myself they are so lucky and should be grateful. When you lose a child there is nothing that can be done to help, it's over. I hope that this message will be of good in your lives with your kids no matter what it take. Open your hearts and minds and find a way.

[220]

Have been lucky with ours, we spent a fair bit putting them through high school with them both attending boarding schools for 6 years.
It certainly looks to be paying off with teaching them what they need to be independent adults and giving them the skills they need to thrive after school.
Son is just about to complete his OJT as a fitter/armourer in the Australian Army, 21 and already has enough saved for a house deposit.
Next week my daughter who is in her final year of high school has her final interviews with the Navy. Looking at doing Navy Medic and then a few more courses that would see her qualified as a registered nurse and paramedic in the civilian world.

[PatientWolf]

I really hope things stabilize and then turn around quickly for you family.

I’m not to the point where my daughter is out of the house but already worry for her when she will be on her own.

[cooperhawk]

An old friend once told me this adage, "The best thing we can do for our children is give em roots and give em wings".

Every situation is different and no one solution works for all. All you can do is what you think is right, even though it may end up wrong.

[markiver54]

Well I have been reading the posts about problems with children. I going to throw this out let you chew on it. You guys are very fortunate to have your children and their problems. My wife and I have lost a son and possibly another if he does not quite his lifestyle. I read these posts and I say to myself they are so lucky and should be grateful. When you lose a child there is nothing that can be done to help, it's over. I hope that this message will be of good in your lives with your kids no matter what it take. Open your hearts and minds and find a way.

We love our children no less than the day they were born. I can understand what you are saying Jenkinsd.
So so sorry for your loss. I have a hard time understanding how I would cope with that. I pray your other son gets himself on the right track.

[Jenkinsd]

I'm a little older than you Mark, but we've been through all of that a few times. We still help out one child financially as she is a divorced single parent trying really hard to provide for our two Grand kids. I don't mind as she works full time herself. My youngest son finally broke all contact with us because we no longer would support what he was doing, (nothing), and I suspect that was the biggest favor he ever did for us. Not sure how he supports himself, but at least we're not supporting him any longer. We were just enabling his life style. Haven't heard from him for five years now. Do we miss him? Well yes, but not all the heart ache he caused.

I know it's rough right now, but when you get through the worst of it, it gets easier.

I never had to ask my Dad for help, but when he suddenly died I felt lost because I always knew that if I really needed help, he would. Then he was gone and I was on my own.

Hang in.

I hope you don't mind but you need to find your son, there is work to be done and you know what kind of work I'm talking about.

[Jenkinsd]

My advice about your finances is to put your own needs first and don't jeopardize your own long term security, as emotionally difficult as that might be. Your adult kids will be OK, though a bit battered. Most of us have had a few lean times to overcome in our lives, and we eventually learn how to get it right. They will, too.

That's some really good advice. Remember, they're still young with the ability to work their way through it. Your earning years, are for all purposes, over. You have what you have and that's about it. Hold the candle to their feet for a change.

There is a book by the Psychologist Dobson called "Tough Love". Give it a read it helped us a lot.

You know that "Tough Love" goes both ways

[Jenkinsd]

Well I have been reading the posts about problems with children. I going to throw this out let you chew on it. You guys are very fortunate to have your children and their problems. My wife and I have lost a son and possibly another if he does not quite his lifestyle. I read these posts and I say to myself they are so lucky and should be grateful. When you lose a child there is nothing that can be done to help, it's over. I hope that this message will be of good in your lives with your kids no matter what it take. Open your hearts and minds and find a way.

We love our children no less than the day they were born. I can understand what you are saying Jenkinsd.
So so sorry for your loss. I have a hard time understanding how I would cope with that. I pray your other son gets himself on the right track.

I do mighty well must of the time with coping with my son's death that is reality. What I have a real problem with is him taking his own life, for me that is not reality. My wife and I often look at each other and we wonder if this is the day we get a phone call telling us that are other son has died, that is reality my friend. It's like living in bondage, that doesn't sit well with me.

[markiver54]

I know you love your sons. My problems seem to pale next to your story,
Suicide is a selfish thing and very sorry you had to go through it. Hopefully things will turn in the right direction for your other son.
I have felt very down or depressed in my life, but ending it would only hurt the ones I love and who love me.
Bless you!

[cooperhawk]

You know that "Tough Love" goes both ways[/quote]

I do know and it's also very easy to go too far. The thing is to try to understand the dynamic of it all.
At what point does helping someone become "Enabling"? Hard to tell.
Is someone actually that inept or are they using you?
Is there an illness involve?

There are so many factors to consider that it becomes mind boggling at times. The best approach is
a slow studied one. No quick reactions. No emotion.

Hard to do.

[markiver54]

You know that "Tough Love" goes both ways

I do know and it's also very easy to go too far. The thing is to try to understand the dynamic of it all.
At what point does helping someone become "Enabling"? Hard to tell.
Is someone actually that inept or are they using you?
Is there an illness involve?

There are so many factors to consider that it becomes mind boggling at times. The best approach is
a slow studied one. No quick reactions. No emotion.

Hard to do.[/quote]

Hard to do indeed Coop, you make a lot of sense though!