What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

[cooperhawk]

Please do your part.
Tax advice
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, your money goes to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to the management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead keep the money in America by:
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Go to a ballgame, or
(3) Spend it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(5) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
Your friendly tax accountant

[cooperhawk]

CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.

Or buy a new Henry and ammo. I like that one the best.

[Cofisher]

Using a local mechanic to help with my truck. God knows it needs it. And he does too.

[dave77]

Tattoo parlors are closed here in Washington, have already canceled 2 appointments. I can live without getting a haircut but I have a couple of tattoos I was looking forward to getting done.

[Vaquero]

How A Stimulus Package Works

It is a slow day in the small Montana town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk, saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything No one earned anything... However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.

RP

[Grunt67]

LOL, RP, you are wise beyond your years.

If I had $100, I'd go check out a room somewhere........

[RanchRoper]

Dead on Vaquero.

[Stray Cat]

However....What if the traveler would've stayed in a room? The hotel proprietor would've settled his debt (as well as the others) and after expenses, made a profit in the end. The good in that story is that the money stayed in the community. It's a good thing the hooker was there to close the loop!