Henry Rifle Forums

When we were first told of Annie's cancer, we were both absolutely stunned, blindsided. We were told she had lung cancer; but she hadn't smoked a cigarette for more than forty years and even then, she was just a very light smoker, consuming only a few a day. Nonetheless, the biopsy was definitive. It was lung cancer, and it was terminal. That was three years ago. I've been crying every day since, sometimes for hours at a stretch. I cry now even more than before. She passed away on July 24th while I was holding her and hoping she wasn't suffering. The most I could do was to give her an additional dose of morphine and hold on...

It's an insidious disease, taking her from me in small measures, stripping her of her abilities in small, but meaningful ways until in the last year there was a steady, rapid, and clear decline. She couldn't eat, had very little strength, and was bedridden for the last three months. Hospice nurses came once a week to check on us and health care workers came three times a week to help me keep her clean and comfortable, but I was her caregiver. I'm so grateful to have helped her through it all.

I spent most of my time since January laying beside her, holding her, talking with her, comforting her, crying with her, and talking about the wonderful times we shared during the last fifty years. Ours was a magical marriage. We were always on the same page and always working toward the same dreams. I've been blessed and privileged to have such an amazing wife for so long.

Being in love with Ann is by far the easiest thing I've ever done.
Caring for her during her illness was the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Holding onto her during the last moments of her life was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I'm not sure how people survive losses such as this. It's so strange, so painful, and so real. I do have hope that there's a heaven and that we'll be together again, but I do not have a faith to sustain that hope. For me, it's more of a dream. The reality is that I'm alone now and missing her so much. I'm heartbroken and crying... I'm always crying.

This is photo of us in 1968 taken at her high school senior prom. I was a junior, just seventeen years old and so much in love. We were married in 1973. What a lucky man I have been! What a sad man I am today.

CT, I know it's an easy thing to say and a difficult thing to do, but you need to fill in the time that you were spending with Annie with some other activity. Spend time at the range, or helping at the local church etc. Are you allowed to do volunteer work at hospitals? Spending time with other people will help to ease the loneliness that you're feeling.

CT, I am crying, too, now. What a beautiful story and couple. I wish with all my heart I could ease your pain, but just remember you are not alone, even though such a loss makes it feel that way. From Bill and I, our deepest condolences.

I am so sorry to hear, CT.

I will pray for you both. Please look on this as a release , and the start of the next journey for you both.

I lost a sister and both parents to cancer, and all were cared for at home so I know what's involved 7/24.

When the time is right you will relax and reflect on what happened, until then God Bless and best wishes for you and your family

I believe your love for each other will last much longer than 50 years. It will live on long after we are done with this world. Have faith my friend.

My friend CT,

How exquisitely, and how so very difficult, our recent journeys came alongside each other. My heart weeps with you, and I know exactly how you feel each day through every word you expressed. I'm very grateful that this last year we have rejoiced together for the victories in caring for our wives, and now weep together (Romans 12:15), as my HIHGL journey has ended, and the 50 years of wonderful times you have enjoyed with your lovely bride have also ended. Of a certainty, the weeping is good. Remember that as Jesus faced the death of His good friend Lazarus, and experienced the hurt just as the sisters Mary and Martha did, "Jesus wept." (John 11:35). I'm grateful that the Lord understands my, and your, deep hurt and sadness. That brings me comfort and a measure of joy, as well.

I'm grateful for the often PMs and phone calls we have had over these recent months, just to "let it all out," share concern/care for each other, and pray for each other as we helped our wives. Thanks to you both for being there for me and Joyce....I know you knew how I felt, too.

Take good care of yourself.
God bless you, my Friend.
PT7

I'm sending you a PM.

CT, none of us can ease your pain. We know that. But, we all feel it and support you in prayer and thought. You are not alone, even as you feel it. God Bless you and carry you through this time.

CT_Shooter,

I am so very sorry to hear that your wife, Ann, died. You have my sincere condolences and prayers during this sad time of your life.

There really aren't words that I can say to you that will help other than it is my belief that you will see her again AND that she is free of her pain and suffering now.

(I mean no offense to any person since religion and politics are not allowed here on this forum. So know for sure that she IS free of her pain and suffering now!)

May she rest in peace in God's loving arms and may you know that God has his arms around YOU too.

I firmly believe that people like us who are caregivers to their loved ones, spouse, family or friends understand the BOND that is there. Plus many of us have been married for a long time to their first true love until they died.

ALL of us carry our grief in own way. It takes baby steps! It takes a BIG leap of faith, courage and strength (Physical and emotional.) to go on with our lives even when we don't want to do this. Your wife would want YOU to go on living life to the best of your ability. She would want you to have peace and happiness.

I wish you peace and happiness too.

Sincerely,

Cate
PS: We have had some sad times on this forum with illness and death. Prayers for all of you out there.

Catherine wrote: ALL of us carry our grief in own way. It takes baby steps!

I know I've been quiet on the forum for quite a while; only occasionally writing brief notes and not really fully engaged in what would otherwise be interesting topics of discussion, but I do check in multiple times each day and read most every new post and greet every new member. As I tell my good, long distance friend, PT7, "I'm in a funk."

Today would have been our 45th wedding anniversary. It's a sad milestone. I'm still mourning; crying most every day. It is, for me, quite difficult to get over her loss. There have been baby steps; I have been gaining the strength to face a future without her, but it is a dim vision that I struggle to imagine. A few good friends and family help; nonetheless, at the end of the day, these are my boots walking on this unwelcome road. I still have a long, long way to go.

Paul Simon wrote: ...losing love Is like a window in your heart;
Everybody sees you're blown apart;
Everybody sees the wind blow.

thoughts and prayers .... can only wish we could do more

"Mourning is lonely..."
I know, my Friend. Wish I didn't, but I'm walking along the same path.

Just gone by in mid-August, Joyce and I would have celebrated our 35th anniversary.
A week ago today was her birthday. I placed yellow roses at her white headstone. She loved yellow roses.

I know, my Friend. Remember, always just a phone call away.....anytime, as we journey together.

Take good care,
PT7

CT_Shooter wrote: As I tell my good, long distance friend, PT7, "I'm in a funk."

Today would have been our 45th wedding anniversary. --- A few good friends and family help; nonetheless, at the end of the day, these are my boots walking on this unwelcome road. I still have a long, long way to go.

Paul Simon wrote: ...losing love Is like a window in your heart;
Everybody sees you're blown apart;
Everybody sees the wind blow.

CT, sounds like it as been a sad year. My condolences! I'm happy to see that you stayed engaged with us on the forum, even if just for a little bit. So keep it up. Hopefully the bit of comradery from us here helps ease some of the loneliness.

CT Ive been thru it twice. Its really tough but never at the age I am at now. I cant imagine losing one at the age I am at now. I do have a close friend who has gone thru the same thing. I tell him and I will tell you no one can tell you how to deal with it. Its a personal thing and you yourself need to grieve in your own way. All we can do is wish you nothing but the best and let you know we are thinking about you. Prayers and thoughts to you and I hope you find peace with it soon.