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Best I can figure my wife is in about 2 1/2 years of her dementia which she apparently got from her Mother. At this stage you cannot carry a conversation with her about anything recent without going over and over about details. We have to play a game about whose night it is for a shower. I use one color towel and she uses another. Every evening I tell her go look at what is hanging up. Enjoying a meal together isn't much as she races thru her meal to take the dishes into the sink to clean them and then ask me if I am finished yet.

Wish the old wife I knew would stop by for visit sometime! Was only married once.

I feel for you sir. Unless a cure is close to being found, it only gets worse.
I had a neighbor who was so bad, they would call me for some help. I'd take the guy for a drive until he recognized his own house. Sometimes we'd have to drive by three or four times till he recognized it.
Hang in there. Many of us are here for you.

Sympathies forty, seeing all the early pictures you have shown of you and your wife sure makes one wonder how could such a vibrant and youthful person end up with the “gift” you mention. Kudos to you and your patience to be there for her.

My Wife lives in fear of dementia. Her Mother died in a total care facility with it and we've been told
it's hereditary. That's the reason she is still practicing law. She was told at one time that if you keep
your mind very active it holds it off.
We'll see I guess.

The last one standing loses.

Annie and I were married in 1973. Like you, we started dating in High School. That was 1967.

Throughout our marriage, because of my family history, I expected to die first and I would occasionally say it out loud, "One of us will watch the other die. Glad it won't be me." Then I'd give her a long hug and a kiss and a smile. She'd smile, too, knowing what that moment would be like for whomever faced it.

She died in our bedroom, lying beside me, in 2017. We enjoyed a wonderful, magical life together. Soulmates. Caring for her as she was sick and dying was my great privilege. I'm so very glad I could do it.

The last one standing loses. You have my sympathy, Forty. What you're doing hurts like nothing else.

Very sorry to hear. Prayers for you and your wife.

fortyshooter wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 19, 2024 10:01 am

Best I can figure my wife is in about 2 1/2 years of her dementia which she apparently got from her Mother. At this stage you cannot carry a conversation with her about anything recent without going over and over about details. We have to play a game about whose night it is for a shower. I use one color towel and she uses another. Every evening I tell her go look at what is hanging up. Enjoying a meal together isn't much as she races thru her meal to take the dishes into the sink to clean them and then ask me if I am finished yet.

Wish the old wife I knew would stop by for visit sometime! Was only married once.

I don't know if it will mean much to you, but I'll add you both to my prayers.

DsGrouse wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 19, 2024 11:54 am

fortyshooter wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 19, 2024 10:01 am

Best I can figure my wife is in about 2 1/2 years of her dementia which she apparently got from her Mother. At this stage you cannot carry a conversation with her about anything recent without going over and over about details. We have to play a game about whose night it is for a shower. I use one color towel and she uses another. Every evening I tell her go look at what is hanging up. Enjoying a meal together isn't much as she races thru her meal to take the dishes into the sink to clean them and then ask me if I am finished yet.

Wish the old wife I knew would stop by for visit sometime! Was only married once.

I don't know if it will mean much to you, but I'll add you both to my prayers.

Yes it will mean much and Thanks!

Sad thing is she has 4 sisters one older and rest younger and one local and never hear anything from them. We ran into the local one at a medical center and I told her to call or stop by when she could. Heard nothing a year since that encounter.

Best wishes and prayers for strength for you Forty. I’ve seen this kind of thing take place. My wife dealt with this in her 30 years of assisted living while running her care facility. Its sad that her family can’t give you a break. How is she when you leave her alone?

My LE Rabbi (mentor) was also my shooting coach, fellow Marine, surragote father, advisor, and friend. His wife was a nurse for fifty plus years, including stints in two VA hospitals. A couple years before we moved from Virginia to Oklahoma, she began her slow spiral into dementia. It was worse for her there at beginning. As a career nurse, on her good days, she knew what was happening and why. She knew what was coming, and how bad it might get at the end.

Miss Tina would visit with her a couple times a week, right up until the week we moved. At first, it wasn't so bad, even on the off days. Tina would sew with her, teach her a new technique. Miss Ruth would say, "I really appreciate this and I so enjoyed the day. It's too bad I won't remember any of it tomorrow."

Toward the end, Tina and I were their only visitors. Their children and grandchildren quit visiting. Ruth often couldn't remember Tina, but would say...
"I don't know who you are, really, but I know I like you."

My dad passed the same way two years ago. Good days and bad.
We'll keep you in our prayers.

Prayers from my family and wishing great strength for you!

fortyshooter wrote: ↑

Sat Oct 19, 2024 12:28 pm

Sad thing is she has 4 sisters one older and rest younger and one local and never hear anything from them. We ran into the local one at a medical center and I told her to call or stop by when she could. Heard nothing a year since that encounter.

That's not right. But sadly, there's a lot of that around.

You and she are in my thoughts good sir.

Prayers being said.

Forty my prayers for you and your wife. I understand all too well what you are going through. I have been going down this road for 10 years with my sister. It's heartbreaking to see someone that was once fun and vibrant, that no longer knows who I am.

Paul

The worlds problems are minor compared to carrying for loved ones with dementia.

Many thanks for all the friendly support. I can leave her alone for several hours couple times a week when I go down to my range and she does okay in the house with Buster to take care of. Last couple days I have been helping my brother move things to his new home. His wife died several years ago from a rare fast moving cancer...like 3 months she was gone. Of the 4 of us...my 2 older brothers and older sister I am the only one still with a mate.