Lexophile

[Vaquero]

Lexophile
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a meat slicer? He's alright but the incident caused him to get a little behind in his work.


RP

[markiver54]

don't know where you find this stuff Randy, but, now that the tears are out of my eyes and my belly stopped aching; just want to say...what a hoot!! Thank you!

[krunchnik]

Those are all pretty good

[RanchRoper]

Don't know if it qualifies but...

I used spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

[clovishound]

I wanted to be a sky diving instructor, but things didn't open up for me.

[krunchnik]

I thought I was wrong once-but I was mistaken

[markiver54]

" If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done ? "

[ChefDuane]

"Oh, I see" said the blind man to his deaf son. And he picked up his hammer and saw.

[cooperhawk]

Confucius say "Woman who stand on head have crack up".

[cooperhawk]

OK, OK, probably not a Lexophile.

[Flinch]

This is good stuff. I am going to share them with the other retired old goats.

[cooperhawk]

Again if I may be forgiven, not lexophiles:



OK to let a fool kiss you, but not OK to let a kiss fool you.


Kiss is merely shopping upstairs for real merchandise downstairs.


Better to lose a lover than love a loser.


Man with broken condom often called Daddy.


Drunken man's words often sober man's thoughts.


Marriage is same as bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.


Viagra just like Disneyland ......One hour wait for 2-minute ride..


Joke is just like sex. Neither any good if you don't get it.


Virginity like bubble on stream of life, one prick, and it's gone forever.


Man who eat many prunes, get good run for money.


Baseball is wrong: Man with four balls cannot walk.


Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.


It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it..


Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs

.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.


Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.


Man who leaps off cliff, jumps to conclusion.


"A Lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"