Lexophile

[Vaquero]

Lexophile
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a meat slicer? He's alright but the incident caused him to get a little behind in his work.


RP

[markiver54]

don't know where you find this stuff Randy, but, now that the tears are out of my eyes and my belly stopped aching; just want to say...what a hoot!! Thank you!

[krunchnik]

Those are all pretty good

[RanchRoper]

Don't know if it qualifies but...

I used spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

[clovishound]

I wanted to be a sky diving instructor, but things didn't open up for me.

[krunchnik]

I thought I was wrong once-but I was mistaken

[markiver54]

" If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done ? "

[ChefDuane]

"Oh, I see" said the blind man to his deaf son. And he picked up his hammer and saw.

[cooperhawk]

Confucius say "Woman who stand on head have crack up".

[cooperhawk]

OK, OK, probably not a Lexophile.