You know you're old when....

[MICoyote]

When you realize your living Red Green's life!

[North Country Gal]

You know you're old when most people think a party lines is a number to call to have a good time.

[Cofisher]

Remember guys, if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

[Travlin]

I'm a man and I can change if I have to I guess.

[JEBar]

you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.

[tarbe]

I'm so old I knew the Dead Sea Scrolls when they were just sick!

[Tape]

when you call "making love" is when you lay on your back and your woman does all the work.

[dave77]

An recent article in Time asked 81 year old Glenda Jackson " Is there something you mourn about growing older ?" She said "It irritates me that I can't cut my own toenails"

I can see that happening to me long before I reach 81.

[Les]

OK, I think it's time for a bit of cheating:-

........................................... ¦¦ ..........................................

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

5. Your children begin to look middle aged.

6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

8. You look forward to a dull evening.

9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

14. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

15. Your back goes out more than you do.

17. Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you see a pretty girl.

18. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

19. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

20. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

21. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

22. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

23. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

24. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

25. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

26. You are proud of your lawn mower.

27. Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws.

28. You call Olan Mills before they call you.

29. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

30. You sing along with the elevator music.

31. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

32. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

33. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

34. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

35. You make an appointment to see the dentist.

36. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

37. Neighbors borrow your tools.

38. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

39. You have a dream about prunes.

40. You answer a question with, "because I said so."

41. You send money to PBS.

42. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

43. You take a metal detector to the beach.

44. You wear black socks with sandals.

45. You know what the word "equity" means.

46. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.

47. Your ears are hairier than your head.

48. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

49. You got cable for the weather channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV").

50. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

51. When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you're down there.

[BrokenolMarine]

[quote="Les"]OK, I think it's time for a bit of cheating:-

........................................... ¦¦ ..........................................



10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
*** You keep the lights out all the time, because the overhead lighting gives you headaches. The grandkids call your house, the "CAVE."

12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
**** What? That's funny? I wear suspenders for a reason...

22. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
**** I know all the answers, but nobody wants to hear them...

25. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
**** But then don't go anywhere because you have decided you don't like crowds, you don't like people, and you don't like traffic.
Your car is ten years old and has less than 30,000 miles on it.

26. You are proud of your lawn mower.
**** and this is a problem why? It's a nice mower, a cup holder it has, a 60" cut, and cruise control.

34. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
***** Yes, but only GOOD coffee.

36. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
***** But, since I hate people and traffic, it's not that big of a deal anymore. The truck rarely leaves the garage.

37. Neighbors borrow your tools.
**** They KNOW better.

42. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
****** You quit wearing ties the day you retired. If an event requires a suit and tie, you regretfully decline.

46. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.
***** mainly, because if you were to be in a prone position on the floor, you'd need help to get back up.

50. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
****** Your idea of a party is when one of your old buddies comes over and you sit on the porch with a cup of coffee and yak about the old times.
more company than that and you are ready for them to leave.... crowds annoy you.

After a lifetime of dealing with folks, you and the wife are happy to hide out and enjoy the quiet. You enjoy the visits of the kids and grandkids, but you also enjoy the view of the taillights when they leave. Quiet... is nice.